Understanding leads to less hate, and this is what Fight Hatred stands for. Despite the victories in pushing for gender equality extending to the LGBT+ Community, there has been a lot of news relating to hate crimes, discrimination, and offensive statements when it comes to non-binary genders and various sexuality. There’s already enough hate and misunderstanding in the world, so if you have a family member or a friend who has recently come to you and admitted that they are a part of the LGBT+ Community or identify with a non-binary gender, you want to show and extend your support.
However, you may be unfamiliar or confused with similar terms such as sex, gender, and sexuality. The truth is, it’s confusing because these three terms tend to overlap in forming one’s identity. These three also affect how you show your support for various genders – and it’s a whole spectrum of genders and other terms that you may have to learn if you want to openly accept your friend and family member.
Sex, Gender, and Sexuality: Defining Key Terms
Sex
Out of all the three, sex is arguably the easiest to explain. Sex is basically the identity you are assigned with at birth, so you can only have two options: male or female. It is easily determined by your reproductive organs and other biological differences between the two sexes. Sex is determined by your chromosomes: XX for women and XY for men. And unless you have a rare genetic condition or undergo a change later in life, your sex stays the same until you die.
Gender
When you’re a baby and as you grow older, your body will react accordingly to your sex assigned at birth. It’s a biological thing that should happen naturally: girls will grow breasts and get their periods, while men will have Adam’s Apples and develop more body hair. These are things you generally cannot change.
However, some parts of your sex’s identity are affected by your environment. Male and female babies weren’t born to wear blue and pink, respectively, but as we grow older, we associate the colors with one sex. We associate one sex with trucks, suits, and construction sites, while we associate the other with flowers, child-rearing, and salons. We weren’t born to think this way, but our environment has raised this set of expectations. This mindset that one thing may be only associated with one sex is the result of something called “Gender Roles.”
While gender and sex overlap at times–a woman is expected to wear a sanitary napkin, tampon, or a menstrual cup as a result of her biology – there are some gender roles that some people just don’t agree with. Gender is not simply just about a man who likes pink or a woman who likes dirt bikes. Some people just feel like there are biological and cultural parts of a man or a woman that they feel relates to their identity. Some men may like women and may be into weightlifting, but they also feel like women’s fashion and body shape applies to their identity. And because you can’t really put a number on identities, it’s not like sex where you are assigned one at birth, but multiple genders that form a spectrum.
Sexuality
Sexuality is how you identify your attraction to other people. Many see heterosexuality as the norm because a union between a man and a woman results in a child. These people argue that if that is the way to procreate, it must be the right way and the only way to do it. But if you put it that way, you’re only taking account of reproduction. You’re not considering other factors such as attraction, emotion, and love. And for some, love is sometimes not a choice.
Let’s take the first four letters of the LGBT+ Community for example. L – Lesbians – are women attracted to other women. G – Gay – are men attracted to other men, though lesbians may also call themselves gay. B – Bisexuals – are originally people attracted to both biological sexes, but the term can sometimes be used to identify a person who loves all genders, also known as a pansexual. T – transgender – is more on a combination of sexuality and gender, which the community supports, but we’ll get to that shortly. The + is now added to the term LGBT because the community recognizes that gender and sexuality is a spectrum, and there are more genders and sexualities to mention. There are the asexuals, people who feel no sexual attraction to anyone the way other people do, and demisexuals, people who only feel sexual attraction with people they have strong relationships with.
Together, these three intersect on so many levels. Gender and sexuality come together when you see that people fall in love in different circumstances, and it does not always fit what conservatives see as the strong man falling in love with the dainty, innocent woman. It’s why we have terms such as butch and femme lesbians (women who dress like men and women who dress femininely, though both are attracted to women) and you have transgender men and women who may be attracted to someone to the same sex or different sex. It’s why women who are transgender such as Caitlin Jenner can still say they are attracted to women while RuPaul has a relationship with another man.
This may sound confusing, and it’s okay to feel that if you’re new to understanding the various aspects of gender. The community isn’t creating these spectrums to confuse cis (a term for people whose gender matches their sex and sexuality) people, but what they ask for is simply to be understood and accepted by the rest of society.
How to Show Support for the LGBT+ Community
Validate their Emotions and Feelings
Don’t be that friend or family member who doubts a person’s gender or sexuality when they come out and admit their gender to you. For years, people who did not fit in with the traditional gender roles were ostracized, while some could even be harmed or killed as legal punishment. So, the fact that they’re coming to you to tell you how they identify is a huge step for them. And to mock or doubt them is to mock or doubt their identity.
Use the Proper Pronouns – He, She, and They
Part of the transgender and gender-queer community’s plight is the use of pronouns. It seems like such a superficial issue but try calling God a “she” and see how many people react negatively. A pronoun is just a word, but it’s a mark of one’s identity. How would you feel if, as a cis, someone addressed you with the opposite pronoun? You’d correct them first a few times, but eventually it could come off as rude and inconsiderate.
Some people who have undergone transgender processes, prefer to be addressed with their new gender. Caitlin Jenner is now addressed with a “she,” but people like RuPaul have been vocal about not caring what pronoun used to address her. And then there are asexuals and queer members of the community who do not identify with either pronoun, so they prefer to be called “they.”
It may be confusing at first – especially if you’re used to the term “they” as a plural pronoun – but it’s important to try to do this if you want your LGBT+ Community friend or family member to feel like you accept them for who they are.
You can do one of two things: first, start calling everyone with the pronoun “they.” It may be difficult to practice, and you might get some funny looks, but take note that, in some culturespronouns aren’t even gendered. The second thing you can do is to simply ask the person what pronoun they would like to be addressed with. If they are open about their gender, do not hesitate to ask about their pronouns: they’ll appreciate you are making the effort to address their identity properly. Do not use their old pronoun when you are angry at them or just to spite them – taking care of the pronoun you address them with is a sign of acceptance of their identity.
While it’s difficult to get a grasp on how diverse gender can be, the main takeaway here is acceptance, tolerance, and let your friend or family know that you acknowledge their identity and support them. It’s okay to not know all the types of genders, but it matters to understand that your friend or family member feels they are different, and that is okay because that is how they identify.